I have demons in me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
