you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
