i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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