I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
