I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
