peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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