I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
