I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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