Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize