your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
