I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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