i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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