He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
