My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
