i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
