I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
