My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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