why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize