i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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