really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
