frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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