a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You pole danced in your parka.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
