I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
my liver is dry heaving
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
