She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
