I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
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It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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