I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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