grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
