she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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