my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
