This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
