just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
