Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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