i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
