Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
