That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
