somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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