Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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