yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
