if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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