I faked an abortion last night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
