What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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