the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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