oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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