highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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