I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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