I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
