I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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