I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
