Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
