totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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