it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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