I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize