Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
