I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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