glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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