imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
