I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
