I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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