the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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