what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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