His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
