I'm passing your future prison.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize