Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
