Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
