it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
