if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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