So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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