I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
