Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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