im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
